A note from the Editor:  Podium Sports Journal has been known for its articles and features serving athletes, coaches, sports medicine professionals and parents.  Its submissions are indeed thought provoking, and, many of them make us better at what we do.  Not many of our submissions are as poetic as they are meaningful, but this piece is beyond powerful.  It warrants multiple reads and a good deal of thought.  Dominique and her husband’s challenges offer us a compelling reminder that we are all people first – vulnerable, fallible and in large part, defined by our humanity.  Her contribution here says a lot about who she is.  Her gift as a writer is ours to appreciate.  We at Podium offer up our prayers and support and thanks for her persuasive explanation of such an effective instrument for turning a negative into a positive.  Just as Lance Armstrong helped us understand in “It’s Not About the Bike” - Dominique reminds us of the powerful gift we receive in every day.  Thanks so much. – Stephen Walker

Reframing: A tool for difficult times

by Dominique Larocque, MA

“Take that which you no longer need, bless it for what it has done for you, and then set it free”. –Virginia Satir

I have always perceived cancer as an unwelcome houseguest. This unwelcome guest found its way in my family in 1969 and brought much chaos.  I was 8 years old. Ironically, a similar kind of chaos was found illustrated in my book ‘The Cat in the Hat’ by Dr Seuss. Like the goldfish, I did not find any humor in the way cancer was creating havoc in my heart and in my home. The story did not offer me much hope because I knew intuitively that my mother was not returning home. Fortunately, the universe works in mysterious ways and my mother was able to work her Dr Seuss’s magic from her hospital bed by making sure there would be after all a ‘crazy cat’ to take care of the mess before her return home in spirit form. This ‘crazy cat’ is now my beloved stepmother.

I learned to reframe at a very young age as a coping mechanism to deal with all the pain and the grief I was suffering adjusting to my life without my mother. Today, as the primary caregiver in my husband’s cancer journey, I turn to this technique often to help me gain control of my emotional roller-coaster ride so that I can assist him with more focus, calm and courage.

So, what is reframing? Basically, reframing is a behavioral process used to change one’s perspective or personal meaning associated to something. We are all aware of how an unattractive frame can make any painting look bad, just like a beautiful frame can make any mediocre painting look good. “Therefore, the central idea of reframing is that there is no good or bad in life. There is only your perception of it”¹.

“If we perceive something as a liability, that’s the message we deliver to our brain. Then the brain produces states that make it a reality. If we change our frame of reference by looking at the same situation from a different point of view, we can change the way we respond in life. We can change our representation or perception about anything and in a moment change our states and behaviors. This is what reframing is all about”².

This points out how two different people may experience the same event, and how they “frame” that event is what really determines the eventual outcome they will have.

There are two types of reframing. One is referred to as ‘context reframing’, which refers to the ability of taking a negative situation, and make it a positive one in another context. For example, the other reindeer made fun of Rudolph’s bright, red nose; but that funny nose made Rudolph the hero on a dark night.³

The second type of reframing is referred to ‘content reframing’, which involves changing what a situation means to you. For example, death is a life event that has different meaning in different cultures. We all deal with death in different ways. Some forever grieve the loss of a loved one, whereas others find immense peace at the everlasting presence of the person’s spirit or the knowing that this person is free of suffering.

Reframing does require a certain amount of practice, self-awareness and self-discipline and you might benefit from the help of a counselor to help you transform the negative situations into constructive opportunities.

Without a doubt, any cancer diagnosis is challenging to reframe but reframing can be incredibly helpful and useful for the family and loved ones journeying the path alongside.

Reframing requires more mental energy and creativity than positive thinking because it calls for you to ‘see’ your negative situation in the form of an image, a story or a symbol and ask you to either change the frame, write a new story or find new symbolic meaning to the negative event. Doing so will offer you a renewed sense of hope, courage and clarity on the path.

For example, every time I would apply gentian violet tincture to my husband’s radiation burn, I would say to him that I was applying ‘gentle’ violet tincture and reinforce the calm and soothing effect its application would have on his burn, thus reducing his anxiety of it worsening.  I used to refer to his Xeloda pills as his pink warrior goddesses since the X in Xeloda reminded me of Zena the warrior princess. I would ask him how many lucky men get to have daily visitation from Goddess Xeloda. Reframing with humor can be a great tool to diffuse bad situations since humor is a great mood changer and triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers which brings a new sense of well being.

In my practice, I have witnessed how a difficult life challenge can be an invitation to experience life in a new dimension. Reframing are the oars necessary to row the boat of life on turbulent waters and remind us that this too shall pass.

¹Website: www.eruptingmind.com

²Anthony Robbins, Unlimited Power (New York: Ballantine, 1987)

³ Sandidge R.L. & Ward A.C., Quality Performance in Human Services (Baltimore: Brookes Publishing, 1999)

Dominique Larocque is a Gestalt therapist and owner/director of LaRoccaXC Mountain Bike School. With the support of her husband, she is developing a wellness centre in Val-des-Monts, 35 minutes from downtown Ottawa. You can learn more about her vision by visiting www.creativewheel.ca

by Stephen Walker, PhD, CC-AASP

Probably the most enjoyable aspect of working with athletes, coaches, trainers and parents of emerging stars in development is the opportunity to help them – get over it.   “IT” varies from person to person.

I won’t tell you that watching a coach pitch a fit, or hearing of one’s abuses doesn’t register.  Truth be told – it can and often does rile me….and few things can trigger more of a rant. But regardless of age, circumstance, sport or situation – we ALL can benefit from changing our focus on the wounds we’ve felt in life.

Mark Twain once said, “I’ve been through some terrible things in my life….and some of them actually happened.”

I know that we get wounded.  Nobody is immune to the damage inflicted out there.  It’s just that some people hang their hats on the wounds like a badge of courage…and then they wonder why they can’t get over it.  Worse, there are folks who like to embellish the wounds, maybe even dress them up – like the makeup artist in some gruesome movie.  These folks are not only wounded – THEY STAY WOUNDED.

I find that the athletes and other folks who can find a way to be glad for their owie, appreciate the wound…and somehow find a way to turn it into a POSITIVE, are the most successful well-adjusted and happiest people all-around.

A Case in Point – Stephanie.

Today I met a very promising young athlete playing for a relatively negative, hyper-critical, emotional and mindless coach not having any fun.  Stephanie’s confidence was in the crapper, and she was beginning to take it all personally.  She was more aware of her aches and pains than ever before, and it had crossed her mind a number of times that this might be her last season because she was thinking of quitting the sport.

How bad was it you ask?  This kid was playing at the highest level possible in youth sport for her age group.  She was the number one ranked player at her position in the state, and, her team is preparing for nationals.  The kid had been playing the sport for 7 years (and had loved it until this year.)  She went out for her high school track team and had turned in some really promising times.  The track coach was more than willing to accommodate her commitment to her club team. When her club coach heard about the cross training, he pitched another fit…calling her out in front of the team…and prohibited the team from training in another sport.

So – What about the coach?

Let’s just say the first premise in Coaching 101 is – Praise in Public….Criticize in Private.  From multiple sources it has become apparent to me that “This guy” has no sense of that.  The professional literature is replete with research articulating the concerns of burn-out amongst athletes pushed to specialize at an early age.  Assistant coaches have attempted to discuss some of these things with him – but he demeans them too.  Parents who have questioned his methods, he doesn’t speak to anymore.  So, I’m picturing the one finger salute in response to anyone questioning his authority, much less his methodology.

Problem is, its costing him and his team.  Not only is he not getting the “best” of his athletes, many have begun to resent him.   This is no formula for success.  The fact that playoffs are upon them is even more of a concern.

The “focus” for many of the athletes on this team isn’t on their preparation – but fear of what he might do next.  They are way too worried about the when and where his “flash” of anger is going to appear.  The team’s focus is scattered…. Not exactly what you want going on when your team has it’s shot at glory.

Long Term – What’s best for Stephanie?

No doubt, at the end of the season…I’ll be assigning homework for this young athlete.  Homework designed to help her turn this negative experience into a positive.  It will require thought, some catharsis, a realistic appraisal of the skills acquired and those still needing work, and a synopsis of how this season can be considered a great success…as a learning experience, that is.  Most great athletes (and coaches) do this routinely.  It’s how they review, adjust and formulate process goals for the future.

But then there are some that don’t….and they leave the season (and unfortunately all-too-often the sport) with the taste of bile in their throat.  Is it any wonder?

Just think how much stronger, more capable, positive, optimistic and focused we ALL could be if we debriefed all our major life experiences in such a way.  The residual take-away from such soul searching is always the same…we feel better about the experience…more positive and even more hopeful for what’s in store for us in the future.

In sports, think how much more impact we might get from the lessons.  This type of process alters what we take-away from the experience.  Furthermore, it sobers us as to what we might (or might not) get from our coaches in the future.  We are much more likely to assume greater responsibility for the outcomes because we (ultimately) determine how we view the outcome.  Probably the best reason is we tend to appreciate the experience and what we learned rather than loathe it.

What can Stephanie do right now?

What about the young athlete headed for the playoffs?  She still has to cope with her emotionally unbalanced coach.  What about him?

I suggested that she try to put her emotions in “neutral.”

My feeling about it is this, and I recommended as much.  If she can learn to assume an attitude or posture toward every forthcoming outburst with the same emotionality she might express or experience while emptying the dishwasher(or some other mundane task we do everyday)…she will put herself in the most functional mindset possible for managing  such a situation.

This is tricky.  And it must be determined on a case-by-case basis – because a “bad attitude” even in reaction to a childish display – only exacerbates the problem.  Hence, a “Yes sir – No sir” is required…but internally… the filtering mechanism must not let the display destroy her confidence.

The Ultimate Benefit for Stephanie

The challenge is what goes on in the 5 inches between each ear.  The best athletes will weigh the specifics of each outburst (filtering out the junk) and ask him or herself the question…”What useful feedback can I use here?”…or… “How can I improve my play from what I’m hearing.”

This is possibly the most challenging task one can ask for…when acquiring skill sets in mental conditioning.  How does one take a negative and turn it into a positive?  Mentally training oneself for such adverse situations are rarely talked about… but doing so is a necessity for long term success.

Stephanie will experience both long-term and short-term benefits if she can focus on the substantive things she actually can do to integrate the skill sets her coaches are teaching her.   Every athlete must learn to filter the negative from the useful – only personalizing those things she can use.

This process is NOT easy and usually requires someone to help REDEFINE some of the experience.  In the final analysis, if  Stephanie can reiterate in a 30-90 second sound bite all the positive things she learned during in her season – and – how she’s taking her game to the next level…thanks to the new things she’s learned – then she will have genuinely turned a negative into a positive.

And – if Stephanie (the future coach) can employ these lessons to become a more mindful, conscious mentor of developing athletes…she will have hit a home run, and virtually every athlete she works with throughout will gain from her experience.  The ability to turn disasters into gardens is a key ingredient to that often talked about, but hard to achieve, positive mental attitude (PMA.)  Good luck and go for it, Steph!